


Maybe you're my always

by herojulice



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Go with the flow, Liam is sad in this one, Love, M/M, Neighbors, Slight Panic Attack, Zayn is also sad in this one but you dont see it, i could do this all day, i think? idk if i described it ok, is - Freeform, only slightly, pinning, sorry - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herojulice/pseuds/herojulice
Summary: Come in my life and be there until the very end, so I can love you as long as I can. M.N.Liam is in love with Zayn and he pines and pines ( and kisses ).Zayn drinks and drinks ( and lies ).





	Maybe you're my always

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first 1D work. It probably sucks and there are probably so many mistakes, you'll die of old age if you try to count them all, so I apologize in advance.
> 
>  
> 
> Mm, disclaimer: I don't own anything, so. :)
> 
> I hope it's not too cringy. All the love. xx

_Come in my life and be there until the very end, so I can love you as long as I can. M.N._

* * *

 

Sometimes, Liam is pretty sure, the World is on its way to destroy him. He can feel it on his fingertips, in his lungs, at the tip of his tongue. He knows, because good things never happen to him. And if they somehow do, they'll just stop by, never make a home there. So it's happening again. Liam should have seen this coming. He was stupid, so, so _stupid_ , thinking he was worthy enough for someone like Zayn. Smart, beautiful Zayn who can make people weak just by batting his eyelashes at them, who has this smile that can outshine the stars and the Moon and the whole fucking Universe.

( It’s not meant to be. )

He’s at a party, doesn’t know whose house it is, but it’s big and the living room is turned into dancing area, bodies touching and moving in sync. He’s leaning on the wall with a can of coke in his hand and he’s alone. Louis and Niall are off at a beer pong table with Harry cheering on them, laughing loudly and moving his hands into little waves every time they throw the ball in one of the cups across them. People around them are loud, drinking and singing, some are watching the game and joining Harry when he makes another wave. They are happy. Free of studying, books and stress, if only for tonight. So what if they wake up tomorrow with terribly headaches and black holes in their memories? At least they had a good time. Which can’t be said for Liam, nope. Because Liam doesn’t drink. Liam doesn’t smoke weed. He doesn’t _do anything_ ; he is the perfect image of a good boy.

 _That’s why,_ he thinks, _that’s the reason he doesn’t like you; the reason he’s out there whispering into some girl’s ear, caressing her naked arm and not next to you._

( And yes, Liam is a good guy, but not **good enough** for him. )

Liam is aware he’s not beautiful, he has big nose, ugly eyebrows, dull eyes and he knows he’s not smart; he is awkward and shy and so so boring. He’s not surprised that Zayn doesn’t want him, but it still aches.

_What, you kiss a guy one ( two, three, six, ten ) time and you expect it to mean something? Silly, that you are._

His chest aches like a whole ocean is in there, like he’s drowning and falling deeper and deeper. And fuck, he doesn’t want to fall when he knows no one will be there to bring him back.

( Liam is pathetic like that. Excuse his mood, he’s just tired. )

Maybe it’s time to get over it, yeah? Maybe it’s time to meet someone new, someone who will kiss him and mean it, whose touch will not burn, but soothe, someone who will love him. Someone who will not remind him so much of Spring.

( Fucking Spring and all it brings. )

Liam smiles, but it’s bitter and sad. He has never liked springs and it’s sad really, because flowers look beautiful in April, people look happier-glad they can get rid of their coats, scarves and the coldness that made home on their fingertips. Sparrows are whispering sweet nothings to each other and May brings Jun in a warm hug full of petals from cherry blossom.

But he doesn’t like Spring.

Spring makes Liam’s heart hurt and his eyes look lost. It smells like dreams and what used to be's and it brings nostalgia and bittersweet memories between his ribs; it makes him sad because it reminds him of an ending, leaving and he fucking hates goodbyes. He is more _to-infinity-and-beyond_   type of a guy; he believes in the stars, endless walks on margins of the universe and in divine, true, celestial love. And Zayn.. Zayn is all that and more. He is narcissus in a garden next to their building. He is a reflection of the Moon at midnight and the smell of grass after rain. He is _a_ _hello_ , fresh strawberries that old neighbor brings him every Sunday and comic books at his desk, cigarettes he can smell on Zayn’s leather jacket. He is tattoos, smirks, hidden kisses, hazel eyes and soft looks when he talks about his sisters. He is cups of black coffee and Frank Ocean and a fleeting touch across Liam’s palm when he is in a mood to give a part of himself to Liam. But Zayn is also a thunderstorm in late May and a lump in Liam’s throat when Harry asks him why he doesn’t just confess, a sad shrug and _Mirrors_ in two in the morning. Zayn is also _a goodbye_ , an ugly jealousy he tries to hide with laughter and Niall’s sad smile when he sees right through it.

Liam can see him dancing with some guy now. The guy has his hands on Zayn’s hips and they’re swaying to the beat and Liam can feel his stomach dropping and heart breaking. He averts his gaze and moves from the wall.

_Need to go, you need to go. Leave this house and never look back. He doesn’t love you, so what. He doesn’t even like you, stupid, so why are you surprised? He’s barely friends with you; he only tolerates you because of Harry and Niall and-_

“Liam, my mate, my puppy-eyed friend, where do you think you’re going?” Harry calls out from the couch. He’s drunk, Liam knows by the sound of Harry’s voice, he knows because he **knows** Harry; he was his first friend in a very long time. “Who’s gonna take us hoooomeeeeeee, Liiaam?”

“Harry, I-“

“IS PAYNO LEAVING US?” Niall joins Harry on the couch. He is drunk too, of course he is. Liam closes his eyes. _You can do this._ “Loouuuuiis, sweet child of ours, Li is leaving, leaving, leaviiiing,” he sings.

“I’m not leaving, I- I just wanted some fresh air, that’s all.” He looks into Niall baby blue eyes and his eyes softens. “You know I would never leave without you lot.”

“Oiiii! Payno, Payne, Pa-Pa-Payno~, Liam, Li-Li-Liam~, mate, my cinnamon bun, you are my friend!” Louis says from a chair across the couch. Liam’s gaze turns towards Lou’s fierce blue eyes and he smiles. Louis, along with Zayn, is a new addition to Harry-Niall-Liam trio. _They fit perfectly_ , Liam thinks. _Only, you made a mistake and fell in love with one of them._

“You’re my friend too, Lou,” Liam smiles. “Now, do you want to get out of here, or are we staying?” _Breath, Liam. Breath. They’ll stay and you can go out and chill out until they decide to go. You’ll calm down, okay?_ _You will calm down and you will drive them home and you will go to bed and fall asleep and wake up like nothing’s wrong. Like your heart is not broken, like you’re okay. Because **you are**. Your heart hurts, so what? Suck it up and stop thinking about it. Stop think-_

“-am? Liam? Mate, you okay?” Harry’s slurred voice brings him back, his eyes clouded with concern.

“Yeah, yeah. What did you lot decide?” He asks.

“Weee areee leeaviiiiiing, Payn-oo.” Niall sing-songs again. _Fuck._

“Okay. Can- can someone grab Zayn, so we can leave?” He doesn’t want to search for him. He doesn’t want to see him right now. He’s already broken; he doesn’t need a reminder why. _Idiot. It’s not Zayn’s fault you’re stupid._

“I will go! Zayniie, Zaynieee, Zaaynieeeeeee.” Niall really need to stop singing, Liam’s head is starting to hurt, and he’s sober. Liam takes Harry and Louis out while Niall is finding Zayn. He packs them in the backseat when Zayn and Niall stumble through a front door. They are laughing and Liam is mesmerized by Zayn’s smile and crinkled eyes.

“I found Zaynie, Liiaam,” Niall smiles.

“Come on then, get in, both of you.” Liam says, his voice soft. He avoids looking into Zayn’s eyes. He’ll probably say something stupid _like I love you_ , because he’s stupid like that.

Niall sits next to Harry, which leaves Zayn sitting at the front.

“Leeeeyuuum,” Zayn whispers softly, like he’s telling a secret only Liam can know, his voice laced with alcohol. He can hear Niall and Harry giggling behind him and he thinks it must be nice to be so carefree. “Leyuum.”

It always starts with this: Liam’s name on Zayn’s lips and alcohol in his veins.

The first time they’ve kissed was after Ant’s party. It was just a brush of Zayn’s lips against Liam’s, tender and soft, a _thank you for taking me home_. Zayn - drunk of his ass and sleepy and Liam - wide awake and painfully sober. The next day when they saw each other in the hall, Liam blushed prettily and stammered a good morning, but Zayn just nodded and turned his back to Liam, leaving him alone. Liam remembers he felt confused. And a little hurt. Later that day, when Louis and Zayn came to hang out, he heard Louis laughing and teasing about black holes in Zayn’s memories from the night before and how he’s always grumpy when he wakes up. And _Oh. Well that explains it. He must’ve been so drunk, he doesn’t remember the kiss. And it probably meant nothing. You should probably not mention it then, it will make things awkward. And it’s not like it’s a big deal. You know him for a month; your crush will probably pass soon._

 ( Only it didn’t. )

 It went like this for months. Every time Zayn was drunk, he would caress Liam’s cheeks and he would kiss him like it meant something; always just a kiss or two, a thank you, a good night.

 And it always ended like this: Liam’s kisses forgotten, but Zayn’s lips on Liam’s neck and his touches on Liam’s hands burned into memories.

 It’s almost a year since they’ve moved into their flat, right across Louis and Zayn’s door.

 It’s almost a year since Liam opened a front door and saw the most beautiful boy in the whole world.

 It’s almost a year since Liam fell in love with a soul made of stardust and colors that don’t exist, a boy with hazel eyes and silk voice, smirk made to make you weak.

  _But nothing has really changed,_ Liam thinks. Zayn is still grumpy. He still makes Liam nervous, makes him fall in love even more. Liam still pines, still wishes he was beautiful so Zayn would remember his kisses in the morning.

Liam glances at Zayn who fell asleep as soon as Liam’s name passed his lips. He looks.. frail, so unlike sober Zayn it makes Liam think about people who made him like this - guarded and sometimes coldhearted. He thinks about blonde girl Louis mentioned once when Harry asked about Zayn’s zero fucks given attitude. _I’ve known him since we were 10. He wasn’t always like this,_ he had said. _He used to smile a lot, he used to read comics and play a guitar, sometimes even sing. But then he fell in love. Long story short: they got together, she cheated on him. He left her, but he was the one left with a broken heart. We moved in here and since then, he had a few hook-ups, but no one had stayed long enough to see him for the way he really is. They all saw leather jacket, cigarettes and smirks - a good fuck and that’s that._

The problem is, he swears he sees the real Zayn. Liam remembers how Zayn had looked at him when he saw a Batman collection on the shelves - a surprise in his eyes that was shut down quickly. He remembers how Zayn had whispered quotes along Christian Bale’s voice when they were watching _The Dark Knight_. The sound of Zayn’s voice when he was humming.

Sometimes, Liam would catch Zayn’s eyes, he would feel his gaze on him, following him and it gave him hope, but every time he looked back, Zayn would avert his eyes.

In those moments, he thought he saw fragments of the Zayn behind the walls and he foolishly hoped that Zayn was showing him a part he locked a long time ago. But then he crashes, because in the next moment, Zayn would frown or shut up or just pretend Liam’s not there.

( It’s like he can see through walls, but he’s not allowed to touch what’s behind them. )

Niall always tells him that he wears his heart on his sleeve, bare for people to stomp on. And it’s true - he just wishes his heart would stay on his sleeve, and not move into hands that can paint mist and soul on it carefully, but also break it easily.

_You really need to stop philosophizing._

Liam parks car and takes a deep breath. He needs to wake them up, so they can go to beds and sleep the alcohol off.

“Li,” Harry’s deep voice brings him to focus. “Are we home?”

“Yeah, Hazza, come on.” Harry’s touch wakes Louis up who shakes Zayn and Liam’s voice wakes Niall up. They somehow make it to their doors.

“Do you lot want to sleep at ours? We can have a pajama party!” Niall asks and Liam freezes.

“Ni, I don-"

“It’s a beautiful idea, young Niall. I vote for the pajama par-tyyyyyy!” Harry brings his fist into the air like Super Mario. And with that, they all stumble through the front door, leaving Liam to lock it. He can do this; it’s not the first time Louis and Zayn sleep over, he’ll just go to his bedroom and stay there until the morning. He doesn’t want to be kissed, to be touched-he just wants to fall asleep and forget all about this, if only for the night. He thinks, if he feels Zayn’s chapped lips on his own, he’ll definitely break this time.

The boys fall asleep the second they lay on the couch. Liam leaves aspirins on the table and sneaks out on the terrace. It’s a small one-only one chair and a little table and vases with flowers. He just sits there and watches the sky. He thinks about those kisses, how bittersweet they are, how addictive, pretty and painful they are. Tears gather and with a blink of eyes, they fall on his cheeks. He is so stupid-crying over something that never happened and never will.

Liam knows he’s always whining, but he can’t help it. He was very sick as a child, so he didn’t grew up with kids his age, but with doctors and nurses. It made him shy and lonely. He was always alone at school, until he met Harry and Niall at the age of 16. They made him feel normal and safe; they broke his shell, made him more easy-going; made him bloom like he was one rosebud waiting to shine.

He had one girlfriend, Sophia-she was his puppy love, it was sweet and childish, but it ended because they were both young and wanted different things. After her, there was a boy, Andy. He was so in love with him, but Andy wasn’t a type of a man who would listen Liam’s talk about infinities and _Superman_ ; he loved parties and wildness, so they broke up. Liam cried for a month, but in the end he got over him. And then there is Zayn. Fuck. Liam is pretty sure Zayn is his soulmate, but Liam’s not his. That he knows. So he cries because it’s time to burry, mourn and leave behind this love that consumes his whole body.

( He swears he never loved someone like he loves Zayn. )

* * *

 He’s woken up by curly hair in his nose and loud _Liiiiiiii_ at his ear. Harry has never been a victim of a hangover, so Liam’s not surprised that he’s woken up like this.

“Harry, mate, I really, _really_ don’t want your hair for breakfast.”

“Come on then, Ni and Lou ordered something to eat. Zayn already left, we don’t know when.”

And Liam stops breathing.

Zayn.

He left.

Of course he left.

Liam closes his eyes and bits his lip, trying to hold back tears.

 

_Can we stay like this?_

“Li? Li, are you okay? Hey, Li?” He can hear Harry’s frantic voice, but he can’t **fucking breath**. “Li, you need to calm down, alright.” He feels a gently touch on his cheeks, drying his tears and he realizes he’s crying. Again. His hands are shaking and he feels like he’s drowning.

 

_Will you remember this in the morning?_

( He finally hit the bottom of that ocean in his chest. )

 He opens his eyes and through tears he can see Louis at the door, Ni and Harry at his side trying to calm him down.

 And no Zayn.

 “You’re okay, Li. Brave, just follow my breathing, there you go. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Niall’s touching his hair gently. His breathing turns back to normal slowly. After couple of minutes, Niall asks “Do you wanna talk about it, ey?”

He glances at Louis whose eyes are trained on him, a bit of fear in them. “I just want to be alone. I’m okay. I just-” He looks down at his hands. “Please.”

“Okay. Call us if you need anything, alright? Please.”

Liam just nods and turns his back to a door. He can feel them linger at the edge of the bed, but he ignores them. With a click of a door, he’s left alone.

 He remembers.

 

 _His tears have stopped about 30 minutes ago. He’s just resting now, waiting for a sunrise, when a hushed_ _voice_ _calls out his name. He know who it is; he knows that sound like he knows freckles in those eyes, like he knows the smell of spring that follows that voice._

_“Leyum?” Zayn calls out again._

_“You should go back to sleep, Zaynie. You know how you’re like a grumpy cat when you have a hangover.” Liam tries to joke._

_“But, Leyuum, I didn’t get my goodnight kiss.”Liam’s heartbeat speeds up._

_“Zayn, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Zayn’s eyes goes wide and they make him think about infinity and waitings._

_“But, Li, I can’t fall asleep.”_

_“Zay-”_

_“Leyum, my Leyum.”_

_“Fuck, Zayn, you can’t say things like that! You can’t just-, you know what? I can’t right now, talk to me when you’re sober, if you remember anything, that is.” He’s bitter and angry and sad, it hurts to look at Zayn who’s all soft edges now, with his hair in his eyes and Liam’s t shirt on him. With that, he goes past Zayn into his bedroom, leaving him on the terrace._

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He never called me his. He never called me..

_He buries his head into pillow. Why is Zayn torturing him like this? Why?_

_He’s startled by a dip of the bed and soft breath on his neck._

_"I’m sorry, Leyum. So sorry.” Zayn has never apologized before. Can this night get any weirder?_

_“Zee..” Liam can feel Zayn’s chest against his back; he radiates warmth and Liam’s breath hitches. Zayn’s lips touch nape of Liam’s neck, making him shudder._

_“I.._ _Mujhay tum say mohabbat hai.” And Liam giggles. He loves when Zayn talks in Urdu, even if he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He feels Zayn’s smile and his hand grabs Liam’s making them cuddle. Liam can’t believe he’s a little spoon, but somehow it feels right._

_He’s going to enjoy this feeling; Zayn right next to him with their fingers intertwined. He can pretend, if only for tonight, that Zayn’s his like he’s Zayn’s._

_“Can we stay like this?” The words slip through his mouth before he can stop them._

_“Yeah.” Zayn tightens his hold on Liam and nuzzles against his shoulder._

_It’s quiet for a while, the only sound that can be heard is their breathing. Liam is relaxed now, snuggled against Zayn’s chest. He fits perfectly there. Like this hands around him are made to be a **home** just for him._

_“Will you remember this in the morning? Will you stay?” Liam can’t help but ask, even if he’s afraid of answers, afraid of cold sheets and the longing._

_“Mhmm.” Zayn mumbles. He knows Zayn is on the edge of falling asleep and he knows he shouldn’t believe him, but, fuck, there’s this hope again, burning his heart._

_And right before Liam closes his eyes and falls asleep, he whispers “I love you..” but he knows Zayn didn’t hear him, probably never will._

* * *

He’s woken up again by soft touch on his forehead. He blinks sleep away and he opens his eyes. He’s surrounded by Niall and Harry, snuggled between them like he’s small child needing protection.

“Li?” Harry asks.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay now?”

“I.. yes. It was silly, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not silly if it makes you hurt.”

After a few minutes of silence, he finally opens his mouth to tell them _I love him. I am in love with him,_  when the door slams open and panicked Zayn shows up.

“Zayn, what the bloody hell, mate? You almo-“

“Get out.” Liam interrupts Harry’s question. Niall and Harry both look at Liam like he’s crazy, but Zayn’s eyes are still panicked and.. sad.

“Wha-”

“Lia-” Zayn speaks, but Liam doesn’t want to hear it.

“I said get out.”

“Zayn, mate, what are you doing here?” Niall asks calmly.

“I, he, am..” His eyes moves from Liam to Niall, then again at Liam. “Lou said you had a panic attack and I, well, I wanted to see if you’re al-”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, get out.” Liam’s not looking at him, but at the wall where his _Captain America_ poster is.

“Li, please, just let me explain.”

“I think it’s best if you leave, Zayn.” Harry’s deep voice travels through the room. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he can see Liam’s tense shoulders and it can’t be anything good.

“No, I just need, Li, Li- I need to tell you something, alright? Please listen to me. Please.”

“What do you want from me?” Liam whispers, finally caving in. “I.. I can’t do this anymore.. So, please, Zaynie, please, leave.” He can feel his eyes prickle. He just needs for Zayn to leave, so the ground can open up and swallow him whole. He’s so embarrassing.

Zayn does the opposite of that; he sits beside Liam and asks Harry and Niall to leave them. They both refuse, not wanting to leave Liam alone with Zayn when it’s clear he’s the reason Liam’s feeling this way.

“Please, boys. Just five minutes, and if Liam asks again for me to leave, I’ll leave and never come back. I promise. Li, I promise.” He turns to Liam now. Liam, who’s still looking at the wall and trying not to cry.

“Li? You okay with that?” Niall asks. When Liam just nods, they both leave.

“You said you’ll stay.” Liam speaks, his voice low, like he’s afraid something will break if he talks louder.

“I’m sorry. I-”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault, I’m the idiot who thought it meant something. I’m, I’m sorry you had to sleep next to me just because I asked you to.”

“No, Li, listen, you’re not an idiot. You.. I.. Fuck.” Zayn doesn’t know how to continue. Liam can feel him take a deep breath and then: “Mujhay tum say mohabbat hai.”

Liam looks at him then, his eyes searching. “You said that last night.”

“It’s true.” Zayn looks at him fondly and takes Liam’s hands into his own.

“What, what is true?”

“I, fuck, I am in love with you.”

Liam’s lips part, his brain going blank. Zayn’s bitting his lip and waiting for Liam to say something, anything. But when Liam just continues to look at him, he begins to fidgets.

“It’s not funny, Zayn.” Liam whimpers softly.

“No! Li, it’s the truth. I am completely and madly in love with you.” Zayn’s words are rushed. “I think I have loved you since the moment you smiled at me, the first day you moved in. You were wearing your Iron Man t-shirt and carrying a box full of records. I remember our eyes meeting and you smiling at me, and the first thought that crossed my mind was _beautiful, so beautiful_.” He lets out a laugh. “You probably thought that I hated you,” he says with a sad smile. “I know I was a dick to you. I know, but the reason I acted like that was because I was afraid of you.” Liam’s eyes widen at this. Zayn? Afraid? Of him? Zayn takes his hands and Liam lets him. “ Yeah, I was petrified, actually. Because you made me _feel_ again. You made my heart speed up and my hands sweaty; you made me smile; even Lou said so. _You’re smiling like a lunatic, Malik. Is it because a certain man with puppy eyes?_ ” He tries to imitate Louis. Liam lets out a watery smile and Zayn chuckles, his own eyes full of unshed tears. “I..” He clears his throat and averts his eyes from Liam’s. “I have to tell you something else.” Liam stills, his hands frozen in Zayn’s. “I remember. Every single kiss, every touch. I,”  Liam can see him shrinking, closing off so he gathers a courage from the bottom of his heart and squeezes Zayn’s fingers like he’s saying _I’m here, I’ll listen_. _Don’t go-not now._ “Yeah? I am a coward, you know? I was afraid to fall in love, still am. So I pretended I didn’t remember anything. And you’ve never said anything about them. I thought you didn’t want to embarrass me, so you kept quiet. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Liam asks, his voice hoarse.

_Why now? Why did you leave? Why do you love me?_

“Lou called me frantic and told me you had had a panic attack. He rarely loses his cool, but I could hear he was scared for you.” He takes a deep breath. “He said he has never seen you like that before. _I_ was scared for you. So I rushed back home and I tried to get to you and tell you how sorry I am for making you feel like shit, but Lou stopped me.

He’s my best friend, you know? He knows me better than I know myself. He suspected it had something to do with me, because he was awake when I,” He clears his throat again. “When I sneaked out. Long story short: he told me it was time to let someone in. And you were already at the door.” Liam can’t help but smile. He was right; he saw the real Zayn, it was real. “Last night,” Zayn continues, “when you left me on the terrace, I realized something he was trying to convince me for ages. Or I admitted it could be possible. You know, you loving me.”

“I, Lou knows?” Liam squeaks and Zayn’s smile is so pure in that moment it leaves him confused. And then it hits him-he just confirmed he loves Zayn. The blush adores his cheeks and he’s suddenly shy again. He tries to move his hands from Zayn’s, but Zayn just holds them in his lap, his grip on them firm.

“He, khm, suspected? He called me stupid because I didn’t see the way you look at me,” Zayn teases. “And, I quote, ‘like a fucking rainbow is coming out of your ass’ is his description.”

_God, you are so embarrassing._

“God, it’s so embarrassing. I’m sorry.” Liam murmurs.

“No, you’re good. He described me as a sex maniac just waiting to pounce on you.” He sees Zayn’s cheeks heating and Liam lets a shy laugh pass his lips. “There’s more.” Liam can feel his whole body pulsing. “I, uh, when we were laying, right before we fell asleep you told me-“

_Oh God, oh God, oh God. He heard you._

Liam can feel panic crawling through his veins.

“Hey, no, Li, it’s okay. I love you too, remember?” Zayn tries to calm him down with one hand on Liam’s back.

“Why did you leave?”

“I panicked. And when I’m afraid, I run.” Zayn hangs his head in shame. Liam, in that moment, decides to be bold a little. He takes Zayn’s face into his hands and turns him so they’re face to face. “I’m sorry.” He can see Zayn’s eyes water again.

“It’s okay. I just don’t..”

“Oh. You didn’t mean it.” Zayn’s voice hitch and he tries to get up, but he’s stopped by loud _NO!_ that Liam lets out.

“I, I do love you.” Liam whispers and Zayn blinks, making few tears fall down his cheeks. “But I don’t understand why would someone like you love someone like me?” He finishes sadly.

“Oh, Li, you’re perfect. And brave and so beautiful. What’s there not to love?” He sits back, only closer to Liam than he was before. Zayn takes Liam’s hand and places it where his heart is beating against his ribs. “I talked with my mama about you. She asked me to describe you once, and I,” he stops there, the words catching in his throat. He’s looking at Liam like he’s seeing the whole Universe in Liam’s eyes. And it makes Liam smile, because maybe he’s worthy of Zayn’s love after all.

“I had a similar talk with Hazza and Niall.” Liam starts, when he sees Zayn is stuck. “I told them you remind me of home, but no-” He’s interrupted by soft, familiar pair of lips. Two, three seconds later, they’re gone and he sees Zayn’s smile made of sunshine and summer breeze. “Wha-?”

“You’re just so, so perfect.” Zayn whispers against his lips. “That’s what I said to my mama. That I was lost, until your hands made me feel at home.” And with that, Zayn dives right in and brings Liam back to surfice. He kisses him sweetly, like his life depends on it and Liam kisses right back. That is until Liam remembers he didn’t brush his teeth and Zayn must feel gross about it, but he doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want to offend him, so Liam pulls away. Zayn looks sad, but Liam just pecks him on the nose and murmurs “I, am, need to brush my teeth. It’s probably gross, so I, just let me, uh,” and Zayn lets out a laugh full of freedom and happiness. Liam blushes, but smiles softly at Zayn.

“OI! ARE YOU ALIVE IN THERE?” They hear Niall on other side of the door.

“You better not be bow chika wow wow-ing in there, Malik!” Harry yells. It makes both of them blush even more. “Our little Leyum,” Harry teases, “he’s too innocent, please leave him like that!”

“HARRY!” Liam finally screams right back.

“Oh, the little lovebirds are alive and well.” Louis chips in. “Interesting. Tell me, Payno, did Malik confess his theory how he thinks you’re both meant to be, true soulmates, lovers of the universe, etc, etc?”

Zayn jumps and opens the door, the color of his cheeks deep red. “LOUIS! YOU PROMISED! God!”

“I promised no such thing!”

“Liar!”

“It’s okay, Zaynie,” Niall adds, “Our Payno here thinks the same. Don’t you?”

“Niall.” Liam whines and the smile Zayn sends him makes him weak in his knees. 

“Oh, God, they’re disgusting. Look how they’re gazing at each other, like-“

“Shut up, Louis.” Zayn interrupts not moving his eyes from Liam.

“Okay, fine. You’re welcome, btw. Come on, boys, we should probably leave them, before they fuck right in front our poor eyes.”

“That you’re right, Lou. That you’re right.”

They leave them alone; Zayn and Liam can hear them in the living room, probably making mess.

“So..” Zayn starts.

“So..” Liam says coyly. “I’ll be right back!” He rushes past Zayn into the bathroom. He can hear Zayn chuckles.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

_Zayn Fucking Malik is in love with you._

_Zayn._

_Malik._

_Is._

_In._

_Love._

_With._

_You._

_Like, love love._

_Fuck._

Liam brushes his teeth at the speed of light and exits the bathroom only to find Zayn with the boys. Liam smiles; they look happy. Hazza is talking about some project he has, Lou is making fun of him and Niall is cackling beside him. Zayn.. Zayn is watching him. _Me. He’s watching me._

He bluses prettily, and Zayn smirks. The next thing he knows, he’s on the couch in Zayn’s strong arms with his back against Zayn’s chest and his nose buried in Zayn’s neck. His lips brushes the soft skin there and he can feel Zayn’s smile in his hair.

Sometimes, Liam is pretty sure, the World is on its way to destroy him, but if this is the way he’s going down, he’ll gladly volunteer.

* * *

  _I waited for you to be happy. M.N._

 


End file.
